


After the Storm

by jemma (divinerat)



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz (Two River Cast) Actor RPF, Jeremy Heere - Fandom, Michael Mell - Fandom, boyf riends - Fandom
Genre: Be More Chill - Freeform, Bi, Bisexual, Bonding, Eventual Smut, Gay, LGBT, M/M, Michael Mell - Freeform, Post-Squip, SQUIP - Freeform, bmc, boyf riends - Freeform, jeremy heere - Freeform, jeremy x michael
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 19:44:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20452556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divinerat/pseuds/jemma
Summary: The Storm- what Jeremy commonly referred to the SQUIP as- is over.It had been 2 months since the SQUIP, and yet Jeremy and Michael hadn't talked much about it at all. It had been swept under the rug.Jeremy had simply told him it made him cut Michael off.What happens when Michael finds out the truth about what happened?





	After the Storm

The Storm had passed. It had passed and now Jeremy was cleaning up the mess it had made. The Storm was another name he’d given to the SQUIP, which had absolutely destroyed his mental health. It was difficult for Jeremy to talk about. He tried to downplay the severity of what the SQUIP had done to him, to prevent Michael from feeling bad about being angry.   
Michael had been very angry with Jeremy. In his eyes, Jeremy felt no remorse and had decided to ditch him- which was only partially true. Jeremy just let him believe this, not wanting to be reminded of what he had to endure. Of course, he felt crippling guilt for what he’d done, but at the same time, he didn’t entirely blame himself. He genuinely gave the SQUIP the benefit of the doubt, convinced that he’d be popular. Big Mistake.   
Jeremy, however, was still dealing with the aftermath in his own brain and body. His torso was covered with pasty white, lightning-Esque scars. His vision had also reverted back to normal and had even decreased. He had terrible nightmares and would spend hours, sitting up in bed covered in a cold sweat, shaking and rocking back and forth, trying to calm himself down. He still heard it sometimes- Reminding Jeremy that it would always be there. That he couldn’t escape it. It terrified him. Jeremy desperately wished he had someone to reach out to, but his paranoia ate him up every time he thought about him.  
Now, the two boys were at Michael’s house, in his basement. Jeremy was unusually quiet. It was an awful mental day, and he avoided eye contact and questions about it.   
“Dude, are you even listening to me?” Michael asked impatiently after Jeremy had been zoned out for a few minutes. “Your hands are literally bleeding and you’re not reacting. Are you okay?”   
Shit. Jeremy looked down at his hands, his face flushed red. He had picked at the skin on his hands to the point that he was bleeding. “Sorry, Michael,” Jeremy said softly. “I guess I zoned out..”   
“You think you zoned out? I’ve been trying to ask you what kind of pizza you wanted for three minutes now. Are you, like, okay?” Michael asked, his voice surprisingly gentle. He had an idea of what was going on after he’d become acquaintances with Rich and learned that he still heard it sometimes. “You know you can talk to me”   
“I’m fine, Michael” Jeremy mumbled, rubbing at his eyes. “Let’s lay down until the pizza gets here” He got up and lay down on the futon they had in the basement, Michael laying down next to him.   
There was silence. Then Jeremy peeped up, in his nervous and soft voice, “Can we cuddle? We don’t have to- I just figured it woul-”  
Michael held a hand up, cutting Jeremy off. “We can cuddle, Jer. You don’t need to ask” He rolled over and pulled Jeremy close into his chest, rubbing his hair.   
The two boys were just friends. Best friends. They used to tell each other everything. Jeremy suddenly realized he needed to tell Michael the truth.  
“I still hear it” Jeremy said in a whisper.  
Michael was slightly taken aback, but he’d been somewhat expecting this. “Hear what? The ‘thing’? You could’ve told me, Jer.”  
Jeremy buried his face harder in his friend’s chest, fighting back tears. “It’s worse than what I told you... I only told you some of what happened..I didn’t want you to feel bad for being angry with me-”  
“Jeremy. You don’t need to worry about that. I know it wasn’t entirely your fault, so I’m not completely mad at you. I’m, like, twenty percent mad at you and eighty percent pissed at the computer for pressuring you.” Michael said.   
“No, Michael” Jeremy sighed. “I didn’t tell you everything. And I want to,”  
Michael was getting slightly frustrated. “Jeremy, what did it do? Call you a loser and get you laid?”  
Jeremy tensed up and moved away from Michael, tears filling his eyes. “Yeah” Jeremy began, sighing. “I guess that’s it. I’m probably just dramatic, I don’t know,”  
Michael saw these tears and softened his expression. “Jeremy,” He said seriously. “Now you need to tell me. You hardly ever cry unless it’s at a movie... Tell me what it did to you” Michael sat up, hugging a pillow to his chest and looking into Jeremy’s eyes.  
Jeremy took a shaky breath, hiding his face in his own pillow. “It degraded me. It called me ugly and stupid and useless and it told me I made it want to die and made me repeat it-”  
“Jesus Christ” Michael mumbled, rubbing his eyes.  
“But that’s not it! It took control of my body- it forced me to let Chloe use me to make Brooke jealous. It made me hurt you. It pressured me to leave you and almost got my ass beat by Jake and it shocked me-” Jeremy began  
“Woah- it shocked you?”  
“He called it spinal stimulation the first time because I was slouching. Then he did it every time I thought of jerking off or sex and he- wait- it called me ugly and stuff.”  
“Why do you keep calling it ‘he’?” Michael asked, genuinely curious.  
“It looked like Keanu Reeves, I don’t know. It takes the form of a different person for whoever it takes over? If it makes sense. Each host has a different person as their ‘thing’ I guess”  
Michael nodded, understanding. “You look like you’re gonna cry, dude. Are you about to cry..? You can cry if you want-”  
“No! I can’t cry, Michael, I deserve everything it said to me! Because it’s true! And now I hate myself more than I ever have. I don’t deserve to be upset over what it said to me, because I wanted this. So I just need to push it down. It could’ve been worse- It could’ve been so much worse.” Jeremy said, quite frustrated with the tears filling his eyes and the lump rising in his throat.  
Michael looked at Jeremy closely. “Dude- When’s the last time you got a good night’s sleep? You look...Exhausted”  
This made the dam burst. Jeremy burst into hard sobs, covering his face with his hands. “I can’t even remember, Michael! Every fucking night I have nightmares and flashbacks and I just sit in bed shaking until I pass the fuck out for a few hours. And then I wake up again and do it all over again”  
Michael’s face showed an expression of concern. He didn’t know what to do- so he pulled Jeremy close and he held him tight. “I love you. So much. You are my best friend. Yes, you hurt me, but you apologized. I’m sorry I haven’t been understanding. I know you won’t do it again..I just..I was so caught up in the hurt I felt that I didn’t consider how you felt. I’m so sorry, Jer..”   
Jeremy nodded and sobbed softly into Michael’s chest. “It hurts me so bad to know I made you so miserable... I love you too, Michael. I swear to God- I will never ever leave you again. Ever. It was so stupid for me to take you for granted.”   
Michael just rubbed his back. “Maybe you should get some sleep, Jer... I’ll be right here. If it bothers you, I’ll grab some Red and give you a cup.”   
Jeremy nodded tiredly. “Can you hug me while I sleep? Sorry if that’s weird.”  
Michael smiled and nodded, spooning Jeremy and playing with his hair softly.  
Jeremy was out in no time. He felt so relaxed, the heat from Michael’s body against his own, causing him to feel calmer than he had for months.  
Once Michael was sure Jeremy was asleep, he leaned down and whispered. “I’m sorry.” He began. “I never realized how bad it was...I was caught up in my heartbreak. Cuz you wanted Christine.. And I want you to myself. I want to be able to talk with you and hold you and kiss your head... But I’m scared of losing you again” his grip tightened on Jeremy slightly. “I can’t lose you again, Jeremy..” His own eyes now brimmed with tears.   
Jeremy was somewhat awake. His body was asleep, but his mind was awake. He listened to Michael’s words, his heart swelling. He’d felt the same way about Michael. He moved his foot a bit, getting his body to wake up. He looked at Michael, eyes groggy and glossy with sleep. “Michael” he mumbled, hugging him close. “I hope I heard you right”   
Michael was panicked. He was terrified of ruining their friendship.  
“You didn’t”


End file.
